death, grief, healing, Lazarus, Mary of Bethany, peace, prayer, sorrow, Trust

When My Lazarus Died

I am Mary of Bethany today,
Lost in a sea of wondering.
My friend Jesus seems far away,
He has not returned my calls for healing.


I thought surely he’d answer quickly.
He loves Lazarus so.
But the days go by without a word,
And I’m wondering where he did go.


Perhaps he had some other business to do;
Perhaps someone else was sick.
Maybe he will come tomorrow;
His presence will do the trick.


But what if he doesn’t come,
What if my call was in vain?
What if he is just too busy,
And Lazarus continues in pain?


I know those are silly questions
For he is the God of the universe,
But sometimes my feet are just too heavy
And I can’t see beyond this earth.


July 2010


I had so many questions for God when my sweet Lazarus wasn’t healed. My prayers were more like tantrums followed by the silent treatment. It was a very uncomfortable place. I really don’t like being mad at God.
Two years later I’ve made peace with Him. We talk again. I pray for others who need healing again, but I am no longer looking for the perfect petition. The magical method.
All I know is I’m told to pray.
And I want to pray. And I want to be. Just be with Him.
I’m at a place of surrender, a place of trust. Any other place is one of confusion and pain and pride.
There is no place for pride in prayer.
I know many of you reading this have also been to deep places with God. Deep places of pain and sorrow. Lost loved ones. Lost health. Lost dreams.
What brought you through those dark places? Was it the desperation to Be with Him again?

Much grace,

If  you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you (John 15:7).  I’m still working on this…more Friday.



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