My nose is clogged. My throat throbs, and tears keep getting in my way. The wind outside beating against my windows and the deep darkness, the darkest moment before the sunrise, is symbolic of my grief this morning as I write.
I prayed, “Lord, I can’t write these words today…I’ve got to be upbeat and positive. I shouldn’t wear my heart on my blog post sleeve.”
But as I tried to convince Him to give me something else to write, these were the only words that would come to my mind. And I must trust that it isn’t coincidence today that I did not have a Faith Friday post written and scheduled for publishing ahead of time.
So…here’s my heart. Maybe I need to share it today to let somebody know that Faith doesn’t always wear a smile. Sometimes Faith is battered and bruised, maybe even confused. Yet ihope.
I sat in a hospital room yesterday with a dear friend losing her battle with cancer.
We’ve petitioned and begged, believed and anointed. We’ve done everything the Book says to do. My friend has demonstrated great faith and trust in God. Her faith has touched so many lives–even lives of those who never met her.
Yet despite her faith in the healing Jesus, it seems very certain that her healing will not be seen by our earthly eyes.
Scripture comforted me this morning. It is so easy to be mad at God, the God who raised the dead to life when He walked on this planet with us. But my anger subsided as I read this truth:
“Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love. For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men” (Lamentations 3:32,33).
He is a good God. And though I will never understand why those we love are called home way earlier than what seems right, the hope of what’s on the other side stirs within me. I picture my friend dancing in heaven, arms raised, smile wide, peace and joy flowing like gold all around her.
Back in her hospital room yesterday, death hung heavy as we made vigil around her bed. While sitting there a vision came to my mind. A dandelion was being blown by the wind, and it’s many seeds were being carried far away to be planted in all directions of the earth.
Tawanda’s life and faith has multiplied in all of us…even more so than when she was healthy. We will never be the same.
We will be better.
Much grace and hope,
“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us” (Romans 5:1-5).