“Trust in the Lord….” (Psalm 37:3)
“Where is your faith?”
The words punched me in the stomach. I couldn’t breathe…I certainly could not answer.
I looked into the eyes of my accuser with nothing to counter his accusation.
I was faithless. Trust-less of God.
My hope for my circumstances to change was fading. From my perspective all I could see were days and days of dirty diapers, crying children, and a big empty hole in my heart. I had hoped to teach school again. I missed teaching. But I was out of town during the appointed interview, and the school would not wait for my return.
I felt stuck.
For years I had tried to persuade my dad to have faith in Jesus. Now he was questioning mine, but though his words were painful, sometimes truth hurts. He was right.
I did not trust God.
My dad’s reference to faith was focused on getting the job– God answering my prayer to go back to work. Dad believed in positive thinking.
But that really wasn’t my focus. I needed to find value. For some reason it seemed a paying job would give me more value than being a stay-at-home mom. I didn’t want to be lonely at home, so I applied. When the door closed to that job, I feared that the next year would be as difficult and lonely as the last. I did not trust that God had good plans for me. I didn’t trust His goodness. I didn’t trust that His answer was the best.
Why do we do this?
I look back now 20 years later, and I wouldn’t change a thing. So many good things came out of that closed door: another baby, friends, ministry, time to read and study the Bible, and now this blog.
Sometimes trusting God takes time. It takes living long enough to be able to look back and see His kindness, His goodness, His love.
But sometimes trusting God is simply a choice you have to make. I’ve found that the choice to trust His goodness brings me peace while not trusting burdens me with worry. Trusting God lights my path while not trusting leaves me in darkness flailing my arms and throwing temper-tantrums.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts and my ways are not your ways,” says the Lord.
That’s a good thing.
If you were to rate yourself in the faith (trust) department, “1” being the lowest and “10” the highest, where would you be?
Remember, it is a choice to trust Him in your circumstances. Trust is essential to finding your God purpose. Next week we will discuss ways to grow our trust.
Have you been worshiping this week?
Thanks for reading!