death, depression, Disappointments, faith, prayer

When I Stopped Praying

A few years ago I rode a roller-coaster in prayer. One day my faith would be on the highest of highs and the next day plummeted to the lowest of lows. There was no level ground of faith.

Until this difficult time in my life, though my prayers weren’t always answered just as petitioned, they were answered favorable enough often enough to feel like I was hand in hand with God. I thought I had prayer figured out for the most part.

I usually like roller coasters. But this ride one was not fun. The thrill of the ups and downs and upside downs was more than I could bear. There was no thrill–only heartache and confusion. When it was over I was numb. I couldn’t pray.

It’s taken two years of life–just living and breathing, watching the sun faithfully rise and set over and over, breathing in the change of seasons, lighting birthday candles, buying Christmas presents, making pumpkin bread. It’s taken two years to get back to where I once was on my prayer journey. Back to a place of faith. No answers. Only faith that despite heartache and pain God is good, and He answers prayer.


Reading one of my favorite devotionals I’ve enjoyed from time to time throughout the years, I came across blue ink. It’s fun to find words that once spoke to my younger self. These words were underlined:

In your prayers, above everything else, beware of limiting God, not only through unbelief but also by thinking you know exactly what He can do. Learn to expect the unexpected, beyond all that you ask or think. ~Andrew Murray.

I wonder how many times I’ve limited God through my own limited imagination and how I’ve not understood that His answer was greater than my thoughts could perceive.

May I pray for you and me?

“God, you are so big. You are so good. Wisdom is your name. Love is your person. You’ve offered us partnership with you. You’ve called us to be on your team. Close our eyes to what we see and open our hearts to your power and potential so that we might be mighty prayer warriors bringing heaven to earth every day. Even when we can’t see. By the power of Jesus…Amen.”

Much grace, andy

As for you, the anointing you received from Him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit–just as it  has taught you, remain in Him (1 John 2:27).



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