I am not one for anniversaries. I will celebrate the happy ones (though I don’t do that very well), but I definitely do not remember or celebrate dates that are sad. Something in my brain just won’t let me keep those dates stored.
But something in me feels the need to remember my sister today. The memory is not in honor of her death but in honor of her life and what God has done in the year since my great sorrow.
This was last year’s post after we returned from her funeral. I have never known such a hole in my heart. But God is healing that hole every day. I’ve had some amazing moment of healing and with each day I know I’m one step closer to being able to say, “Where O death is your power? Where is your sting?”
Each day I’m one step closer to fulfilling the very last words I said to her, “I WILL see you again.”
Thanks for praying for me and loving me.
andy
June 20, 2011 post:
Many of you know that Jesus did not come back in time to heal my Lazarus. He did not call her out of the grave on this side of eternity either. Yes, I cling to the hope that she is saving me a mansion next door to hers and one day we will be neighbors forever. But until then or until Jesus fills me up again, there will be a big hole in my heart. Despite my grief, this is the song I woke up singing in my head the day of her funeral. I pray it blesses you too. For I know some of you are grieving with me.
Why should I feel discouraged? Why should the shadows come?
Why should my heart be lonely and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is he:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me.
(Refrain)
I sing because I’m happy.
I sing because I’m free.
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me.
“Let not your heart be troubled,” his tender words I hear,
and resting on his goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path he leadeth but one step I may see:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me.
(Refrain)
I sing because I’m happy.
I sing because I’m free
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me.
Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When song gives place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to him, from care he sets me free:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matt. 5:4
