“Trust in the Lord….” (Psalm 37:3)
“Where is your faith?”
The words punched me in the stomach. I couldn’t breathe…I certainly could not answer.
I looked into the eyes of my accuser with nothing to counter his accusation.
I was faithless. Trust-less of God.
My hope for my circumstances to change was fading. From my perspective all I could see were days and days of dirty diapers, crying children, and a big empty hole in my heart. I had hoped to teach school again. I missed teaching. But I was out of town during the appointed interview, and the school would not wait for my return.
I felt stuck.
Sad.
Ashamed.
For years I had tried to persuade my dad to have faith in Jesus. Now he was questioning mine, but though his words were painful, sometimes truth hurts. He was right.
I did not trust God.
My dad’s reference to faith was focused on getting the job– God answering my prayer to go back to work. Dad believed in positive thinking.
But that really wasn’t my focus. I needed to find value. For some reason it seemed a paying job would give me more value than being a stay-at-home mom. I didn’t want to be lonely at home, so I applied. When the door closed to that job, I feared that the next year would be as difficult and lonely as the last. I did not trust that God had good plans for me. I didn’t trust His goodness. I didn’t trust that His answer was the best.
Why do we do this?
I look back now 20 years later, and I wouldn’t change a thing. So many good things came out of that closed door: another baby, friends, ministry, time to read and study the Bible, and now this blog.
Sometimes trusting God takes time. It takes living long enough to be able to look back and see His kindness, His goodness, His love.
But sometimes trusting God is simply a choice you have to make. I’ve found that the choice to trust His goodness brings me peace while not trusting burdens me with worry. Trusting God lights my path while not trusting leaves me in darkness flailing my arms and throwing temper-tantrums.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts and my ways are not your ways,” says the Lord.
That’s a good thing.
If you were to rate yourself in the faith (trust) department, “1” being the lowest and “10” the highest, where would you be?
Remember, it is a choice to trust Him in your circumstances. Trust is essential to finding your God purpose. Next week we will discuss ways to grow our trust.
Have you been worshiping this week?
Thanks for reading!
With Joy,
So true, Andy. I struggle with this too. I appear calm on the outside but inside I am a hamster on a wheel…running like crazy and getting no where. Thanks for sharing your heart and giving your readers permission to do the same.
I can so relate to the hamster on the wheel. Thanks Jeannie!
Thank you for your testimony, I think all women go through the same thing raising children and hopefully gain wisdom through time. Your testimony is needed for all, thank you and for the reminder to put our hope in trusting God because when we do it always work it self out. Miss ya
Thanks Abby! I miss you too. Thanks for reading and commenting. It seems like some women love being mommies during those early years, but I do think the rest of us struggle! If not then…there will always be those hard seasons in our lives. It’s inevitable.
Thank you for the reminder. I will now stop the pity party and trust in the Lord MY God for answers.
Yay! It feels so much better to trust! I’m with you girl.
Sweet!!! Beautiful! Faithful testimony… And gorgeous children !
Thank you!
Andy, this is your best post thus far, in my humble opinion. I remember struggling with similar issues when my now grown children were toddlers. So thankful I chose to make sacrifices and tend to dirty (cloth) diapers and chasing little ones around the house. You’re right, it is about choosing to place our trust in him. I think you could write a book from this post! I love the pic of your family too! What a happy bunch you have! Looks like you made the right choice to me!
Thank you Beth. This is part of my next project/book. :) thank you for the encouragement.
So true! Why do I forget this over and over? Tweeted a quote from today’s message at PrayWaves.com
Thanks Sandy! We’ll work on this together.