praise, self-pity, spring

Low Praise Monitor?

(Preface of A Mary Like Me)

As I write these words, I’m sitting on the same beach I sat upon fifteen years ago in a tidal pool of self-pity. Blessed beyond measure, with a good marriage and two beautiful children, I felt lost. As I sat on the North Carolinabeach that day listening to one of my favorite Christian artists, her words went straight through my headphones to the pit of my heart.

The tears welled up and gushed out of my eyes as I realized that somewhere between standing at the altar saying “I do” and giving birth to children, I had lost myself in this dream called mommy-hood. I couldn’t remember anything I’d ever desired to do beyond rearing a family. So I sat there, feeling terrible about the inability to remember my own dreams, yet selfish and guilty for this sadness. My good friend sat beside me, listening to my woes and confessions as she held my hand and reminded me of the precept I’d shared with her years earlier. She said, “Sing, Andy, sing!”

 I knew what she was telling me. She was reminding me to worship the Creator who’d formed the very waves rolling toward my feet, and who had given those waters their boundaries. She was reminding me to worship my Savior who’d given me hope of everlasting life. She was telling me to take my eyes off the holes in my life and worship the God who alone could fill them with His perfect desires.

            So, I sang, even though the singing didn’t magically make me feel better. But that day of worship has become a lifetime of intentional worship and the centrifuge where clarity and vision could rise to the top above the struggles of life….
The North Carolina Spring has begun to “sprung.” I stepped out yesterday to get my mail and was reminded how much I need to walk outside more. It felt good, and the evening sky was beautiful.
I realized at that moment that my praise monitor is needing some help and nothing helps it more than being out in His creation. Breathe the fresh air. Watch the clouds in the sky. A masterpiece from the Master.
If your praise monitor is running low, step outside and breathe. 
Much love,

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