How Many Times?

I grew up knowing there was a God who loved me. Who loved us.

I grew up learning about Jesus. He was the Good Shepherd. He healed everybody who asked. He died on a cross and rose again.

Child like faith was so simple. Yet even as I grew older, and life more complicated I still felt very secure in the goodness of God and the truths I was learning. I felt I had a handle on prayer. I had learned that it was so much more than petition–begging God to give you what you wanted. I had learned to sit at His feet and wait for revelation of His will in the situation. I wrote five or so posts last spring around this time on prayer. I was so sure I understood some key aspects to this part of our Christian journey until tragedy struck our family and the promises I believed I’d received in prayer didn’t come true this side of heaven. I’ve often referred to this season as one where I’ve been knocked off my horse. But it isn’t the first time.

When I was eight, my dad got me a shetland pony. I don’t remember asking for one, but maybe I did. All I remember is Dad bringing Shortie to the house one day with a saddle just my size. We had wide, dirt alleys behind our houses where I rode him. But the ride didn’t last long because Shortie quickly got tired of pacing back and forth and decided to be a race horse instead. He took off so quickly, I panicked and dropped the reins. Yes, I dropped the reins and fell off.

In my dramatic eight year old brain I wondered if I were dead or paralyzed. Tears and shame ran down my face knowing my dad was frustrated and angry. He picked me up and told me to go inside to take a shower while Shortie ran back home to the farm. I never rode him again.

Thankfully, I’ve gotten back on my faith-horse; however, I am finding that rather than sending me to the shower, God is gently restoring and deepening all of the precepts I forgot when I fell off. Precepts such as seeking Him and His will in prayer, knowing that disease and death entered with sin, but it was never God’s good plan.

I have doubted that I could ever be used by God and that I ever had the knowledge in the first place to minister to God’s people. But He is bringing new/old truths to me in devotions I read, Bible studies I work through, other people’s testimonies, and just sitting and listening to Him.

It seems I’ve learned these things many times, but I keep on needing reinforcement. I’ve asked, “How many times do I need to learn this Lord?” He replied, “Seven time seventy.” This means: “All that is needed.”

What lessons are you learning over and over?

Much love,
andy

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