And then one day I found myself so sick I couldn’t work. I lost my job, my independence, my money, and for a while my sense of worth. I knew I couldn’t survive just being a good Christian. Good Christians are focused on what they think they are supposed to do but don’t have a deep, meaningful relationship with God. Being a good Christian wasn’t fighting the despair I dropped deeper into each day. Being a good Christian didn’t make me want to get out of bed in the morning. Being a good Christian didn’t feel my heart with the joy and peace I knew was supposed to be there. And then one day I realized I knew the Bible but I didn’t know my God. I came across Matthew 5:5 and knew somehow I had missed the boat. “You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat.”
How does a person have an appetite for God? As I prayed and begged God for answers, I began to search the Scriptures in a way I never had before. I was no longer doing my obligatory fifteen minutes of quiet time a day. The Word became alive to me. Everything I read touched my heart and spoke to me as if there was a person standing in the room talking to me. Time was no longer important when I sat down with my Bible. Having nowhere to be and no schedule to keep I began to study Scripture and talk to God like my life depended on it. And slowly, I was no longer drowning in the waves of despair that had threatened to consume me. God was alive and very real to me. The problems remained but the peace and joy I had been so desperate for had finally found me, and suddenly I felt more whole than I ever thought possible.
God’s Word became nourishment to a malnourished soul. I knew Matthew 5:6 was true. Still sick with no independence and no money, I found myself more blessed than when I had a job, independence, and money to spare.
Whatever struggles life has thrown your way I challenge you to run to God with your pain. Ask Him to give you a hunger and thirst for Him. Talk to Him as much as you can throughout the day, especially on those days you want to scream. You may find yourself in the same position I did – blessed beyond measure. And there’s no greater place to be.
“For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.” ~ Hebrews 4:12 (New Living Translation)
