Amnio, Downs Syndrome, fear, peace, worry

Another Doorstep

It seemed a normal day. A routine visit to the doctors during my fifth month of pregnancy. Two weeks earlier my husband of six months had boarded a plane to fight a war. Yes, a war. Yes, you’ve done the math correctly. We conceived a baby 5 minutes after saying “I do.” And I was now a single mom “sort of” on my way to my doctor’s appointment alone.

The nurse led me into her office rather than the room down the hall. This should’ve been my first clue. She sat me down and held my hand as she told me that something was wrong with the baby. Testing was needed. I did not consider terminating pregnancy, but I wanted to be prepared if my baby had Downs Syndrome. So they did the tests.

A proof-less ultra-sound  resulted in three attempts to draw amnio fluid. The nurse held my hand as we watched the needle enter my stomach and prayed for the baby to stay away from the needle. This would be my source for truth. But I would have to wait two weeks to learn the results.

As I left the doctor’s office, I was numb. I don’t remember the drive back home. I only remember standing on my friend’s doorstep banging on her back door, crying hysterically. I remember thinking that I was being a bit dramatic. But I gave myself permission and continued the wailing until she opened the door.

It wasn’t an Elizabeth and Mary moment like what I wrote about yesterday. There was no joy or excitement, only fear and fear. No words of prophecy were spoken that day, only prayers for a healthy baby. We prayed and prayed and prayed.

Two weeks is a long time when you’re waiting for life-changing news.

I remember trying to have faith in the best. I was advised not to give Mike anything to worry about while fighting a war. So, I wrote it down for him to read later. I had friends. I had family, but I felt alone, and I was scared.

My peace didn’t come until just days before I would know the results. This time I do remember driving my car and the prayer that came out of my mouth as I drove. I believe it was a prayer orchestrated by God Himself. Because as I prayed, I heard myself saying, “Lord, this baby is going to be a blessing no matter what.” I remember saying it with great assurance. No doubt.

The moment the words left my lips, unfathomable peace filled my car and my heart. It was a moment of surrender. It was a moment of trust. It was a moment of victory because I had peace even in the shadow of a daunting scenario.

A few days later I saw my baby’s chromosomes and learned that she was a healthy girl. A baby girl who is now my 20 year old beautiful and talented Lauren.

I’m not sure why I’m sharing this today, but I do know at least one of my readers is facing some potentially scary problems. I’m sure somebody else is too. If you find yourself full of fear and worries as you face the unknown, I pray my experience will encourage you to know that He is with you and that no matter what the outcome, God has a blessing for you. That is just how He works.

I pray you’ll surrender to His ways and trust in His goodness. And I pray you’ll experience His peace as I did after my dramatic doorstep episode. Scream, cry, shout… then take  deep breath. Pray, pray some more, surrender and ask Him to help you trust Him.

Grace and peace,

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. (Jer. 29:11)

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