When my kids were little I could justify my staying at home. It was a 24/7 job. But after they were in school and my days were a little freer, especially after we moved to Wilmington, and I really had nothing on my plate the first year, I began to really struggle with this seemingly nothingness.
I poured myself into making our house a home. I tried to enjoy cooking and baking more. I bought little treasures for the house. I wrote a book. And I began to question what gave our “doing” value. I came to the conclusion that a pay check must be what merited “value” in our society. So, if you were a stay-at-home-mom…..But I did not have peace about going back to work either. Much to Mike’s dismay.
I know the value of staying home with my children. I believe my kids are testimony of the blessing. And I think when I really get down to my struggle with all of this, it comes down to trying to find my identity. I felt I was a nobody to the world. And I knew who I wanted to be. (Someone the world respected.)
This all looks so very ugly in print. But it’s honest. Our pastor confirmed all of my thoughts on Sunday. He said, “We live in a world that praises people for what they do instead of who they are.”
“What is a moving target. It’s temporary.” ~ Pastor Jeff Kapusta
I’ve found out that the truth is: if you are not happy with who you are at this moment just hang around for a little bit cause things are going to change.
Seasons come and go. The sun may come up into a cloudless sky and be invisible by 3:00 due to gray masses rolling in from the west.
If I base my identity on what I do, I’m sunk ’cause it changes. If I base my identity on my health, my age, my brain, my good looks (I’m smiling) I’m going to be disappointed because nothing in this world lasts. It is temporary and always changing. Even being a mom doesn’t last. They grow up.
That’s why I need Him. It’s why we need Jesus. Our identity only has value in Him.
So, who am I? Who are we?
In the voice and wisdom of one of my favorite literary characters from The Help:
You is chosen.
You is Holy.
You is dearly Loved.
May we spend time with the One who made us. Who has great plans for us. And whose purpose for us is eternal. Unchanging. Valued.
Much grace and peace,
Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Psalm 73:23,24