I’ve been tweeking my entries for the past week. And needless to say I’ve neglected other area of my life in the process. The house is threatening to grow legs and run away. Supper for my family has been less than desirable, and I’m behind writing for Wilmington FAVS.
But the worst part about it is that I’m scared. Why am I so scared?
As I sat with the Lord this morning talking to Him about competition and my fear, He showed me how I safely tucked the competitive part of my heart away a long time ago. I shut the door and locked it. Because competition involves the possibility of losing. Always. Competition involves the possibility of rejection. It invites all those nasty voices that tell me, “You’re not good enough!”
I was always the last kid to be picked for the team during recess. I didn’t make the basketball team. My big sister always beat me in a game of rummy (though I learned years later she cheated), and so I stopped being competitive.
I don’t have to enter this contest. If I don’t, no harm done. There is a small fee to enter each category. If I don’t enter, it doesn’t cost me anything. But if I do enter, I not only chance losing money, I unlock the door to that part of me I hid away so long ago.
I think the worst part of these contests is that if you aren’t the winner, you never know what the judges thought about your work. You only know it’s not good enough.
But if I don’t enter, I’ll never know if I could’ve won.
And that’s the motivation. The proverbial carrot dangling in front of my face.
I won’t know if I don’t try.
The first sentence of Jesus calling today was: “I love you regardless of how well you are performing.”
I think I’ll hold onto those words this morning.
How about you? What are you afraid to step out in faith to do? Does the fact that He loves us, no matter what, trump the fear?
May I pray for us?
Lord, we so need you. Please breathe Your Spirit of peace into us. Calm the nerves. Clarify the path and help us join the race, enter the competition, submit the resume. Envelop us in your love and approval. That’s all we need. Amen.”