(Part 2 from yesterday’s post)
Years later I was knocked off another horse, but this one didn’t have a shaggy mane or mocha bangs. This horse was named Faith….
I had ridden Faith for as long as I could remember. He was a constant companion and friend. I rode him many years with consistency. Most were routine, easy years, but some required grabbing the saddle horn. My faith had been tested many times, but when my sister died of cancer, I let go of the reins and fell onto the hard ground of grief. I tasted the dirt. My knees were skinned and my face was streaked with tears.
In broken sobs I questioned God.
“Why pray?”
“What’s the point?”
These questions weren’t the result of her death. I understood we all must die. My questions came from believing I had heard God. Other people had heard Him too regarding her healing on this side of heaven.
I was positive her life would be extended. I was standing on every Scripture I believed God had given me. My faith was never stronger. Yet with each day her body grew weaker, and I had to say goodbye to my last piece of home. My big sister. My friend.
This time faith was not the prerequisite for healing.
I not only questioned God, I questioned myself. Did I not hear correctly? If I was wrong about this intercession and fell so hard in the dust of unbelief and anger, how could I minister or intercede again? Could I ever be used for His Kingdom?
In my search for answers I started reading a book on prayer. I found myself wondering why I hadn’t known the truths the book taught. I was embarrassed. I had been in ministry for years yet it seemed I was learning basic principles for the first time.
As I wrestled with these questions, God opened my memory to help me see that I had known these truths. I had even taught these precepts. I had simply been knocked off my horse and suffered amnesia. I would regain my memory. I would teach these principles again.
I never rode my Shetland a second time, but I was determined not to let my Faith founder in the fields, so despite my shame and fear, I asked my heavenly Father to let me ride again.
He helped me get back into my saddle. It felt good to take the reins once more, this time prepared to hold on tighter.
“How many times Lord? How many times must I learn these lessons? If I knew your goodness and these truths about prayer, but temporarily forgot, will I forget again? How many times will I have to relearn?”
He replied, “Seven times seventy.”
In rabbinical terms this means “all that is needed.”
I will learn and relearn His precepts as many times as I need to learn them. My faith is never finished.
However, I now ride Faith with more determination and wisdom. And though I may experience a few more tumbles, I will ride this horse until Jesus comes back to get me.
On His.
I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True (Revelation 19:11).
Much Grace and Peace,
andy
